I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
