census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
