my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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