Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.