Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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