Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
