I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
