P.S. I can't hear my feet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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