i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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