Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
