you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
