I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
