he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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