Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
