he puts the penis in happiness.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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