i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize