Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
