I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
