i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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