The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
