wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
