I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
