She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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