Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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