The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
