Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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