You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
