Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
