Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
