What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
