Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize