Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
