I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
