Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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