i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
