Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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