u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
