They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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