I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
