My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
