So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Boobs are out for the taking
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
