honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
