She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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