last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
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Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize