can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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