But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
