isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shame is for Republicans.
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