I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
