I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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