honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize