Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
