she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
