hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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