I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
