You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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