Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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