mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
