chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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