Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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