I puked a lego.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize