I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
