He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
