if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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