He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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